Acts of humour..!!

Act 1

Moe : I am very sorry for your loss Dolores.. Jim was a great man, a great friend no doubt about it..

Dolores : Thanks! He will never be forgotten.. *Then walks off with tears rolling down her cheeks..*

Vince : That woman loves his man so much.. It must be very difficult for her..

Moe : Yea, married for 30 years and never been apart for so long.. I do feel for her..

* 2 weeks later, Dolores passed away as she was so upset about her husband's death and Dolores was buried next to Jim's grave..

Vince : That's very sad, I never lost 2 good friends in a single month.. That's just really tragic, that's just the way of life I suppose..

Moe : Well, that's strange..

Vince : What's so strange my pal?

Moe : I didn't know Jim was a fan of soccer..

Vince : Huh??

Moe : Can't you read? They engraved "United Forever" on Jim's gravestone!!

Act 2

Ms.Francine : Take your text books children, we are learning about collective nouns today.. I am going to give you all a word and you will tell me the collective noun for it.. Okay?

Students : Okay, Ms.Francine..

Ms.Francine : Ben.. What is the collective noun for the word "fish"?

Ben : Ermm.. I think it is a school of fish..

Ms.Francine : Yes! You are right! You see children, it isn't that hard if you did your homework.. Ranjeet.. What is the collective noun for "ants"?

Ranjeet : "Aunties!!"

Ms.Francine : No no no.. What do you call ants when there are lots of them?

Ranjeet : A nuisance!!

Act 3

Mr.Edgar : All right class, settle down.. We are going to have a debate today, I need two person to agree on the subject and two more to disagree.. The subject today is "Is television good or bad for us?".. Jane, you start 1st by agreeing on the subject..

Jane : Yes, Mr.Edgar.. Television is good for us as we can learn many things from it, especially new words to improve our English..

Mr.Edgar : Well done Jane! Ermmm.. Frank, now it is your turn to disagree on the subject..

Frank : Well.. The television is very bad for the eyes..

Danny : *Interrupts, speaks loudly*.. And it is bad for your legs as well!

Mr.Edgar : Why is that so Daniel?

Danny : It hurts the leg pretty bad!

Mr.Edgar : i don't understand Daniel, would you kindly explain?

Danny : My uncle shifted his house the other day, the television fell on his leg while he was carrying it!!

Act 4

Mr.Edgar : Would anyone kindly tell me another disadvantage of the television?

Gerry : Movies and shows today are pretty violent.. The other day I saw somebody got shot, heads cut off, people burnt alive and even crushed into pieces!

Mr.Edgar : Good point there Gerry! What was that programme you were watching on that particular day? Mission Impossible? X-Men?

Gerry : Nope.. Tom & Jerry!!

Act 5

Mr.Johnson : Kim.. If I happen to give you an amount of money, where would you go?

Kim : I would put it in the bank or use it for shopping..

Mr.Johnson : Okay.. That's a reasonable answer.. Max, if you felt ill and sick, where would you go?

Max : I would see my mom..

Mr.Johnson : Why is that so? I thought you should go and see the doctor?

Max : No way! The doctor killed my dad!! I will never trust a doctor anymore!!

Mr.Johnson : What happened?

Max : Well, one time my dad was sick and he went to the clinic to see the doctor.. The doctor checked his chest and gave him a prescription and told him that everything is going to be alright.. The doctor then allowed my dad to leave after that.. When my dad left the clinic, he just died like that on the road!!

Mr.Johnson : Was it a hard attack??

Max : Nope.. He was hit by a car!!

Mr.Johnson : Well, you can't blame the doctor for that you know?

Max : Perhaps I can because the doctor was driving that car!!